Crush

Riley brought this writing project home from school this week. She stood there with a grin on her face as I read the sentences she'd written.

In case you're unfamiliar with kindergarten spelling and handwriting, here is a translation:
"Evie is eating ice cream.
Moriah is playing with a friend.
Blake and Cooper went out for pizza.
Blake and me are in love."

I tried to play it pretty cool, and not give her much of a reaction, although it was obvious she was expecting one. You should know, though, that I was pretty shocked. I know that she likes Blake, Cooper, and Ayden as much as any of the girls in the class. But she'd never given me any clue that she recognized that sometimes a girl's feelings are different for a boy than they are from the rest of the people she likes. Or maybe I just wasn't willing to see the clues. In fact, just the night before Riley dropped this little bomb in my lap, I'd told a couple of women who also have kindergartners that Riley enjoyed playing with boys and girls equally, and was unaware of any social gender differences. Obviously I should have immediately knocked on wood. In my (obviously biased) opinion, Riley is gorgeous and fun, smart and kind. When she's older, there won't be a guy who meets her who won't be interested in her. I have a strong desire to delay this as long as possible.

When I didn't respond to the last sentence on the page, Riley told me that she showed it to Blake in class. I love his response: "No we're not!" Apparently Riley insisted they are. So I asked her what being in love feels like to her. She answered with a shy smile, "It feels like we're going to get married to each other." I persisted, but she couldn't give me much more than that. I told her that when your feelings for a boy are different than the way you feel about your other friends, that's called a crush. I told her that it's okay to have crushes on boys and confided that I'd had crushes when I was a kid too.

I told her that she can tell me when she has a crush on someone, that I'd love to share that excitement with her. Then I suggested that maybe it's not the best idea to tell the boy about her crush. I thought I gave her a good, logical reason. It went something like this: You like this boy because of the way he acts. But if you tell him about your crush, he might start acting differently to you. Riley nodded in understanding and agreement, and I was feeling relieved about this (very small) victory. She explained, "If I tell a boy I have a crush on him, he might start acting different because he's afraid, because might think I'm going to try to crush him." Okay, so that point wasn't as clear as I had thought it was. But hey, if it keeps her from telling boys that she has is in love with them, even for a little while, I'll take it.