Preview

I think we may has just heard a preview of what breakfast table conversations might be like when our kids are all in high school.

Riley: Asher, do you know Makayla's little sister, Makenzie?
Asher: Yes. She used to sit at my table.
Tyson: And Madison is in my class (the third sister).
A: Tyson, Madison has a crush on you.
T: How do you know that?! How do you know that?! How do you know that?!
A: Makensie told me. She said Madison isn't going to tell you.

It's probably a lot cuter now that it will be in 10 years.

Asher is 6!

There is no question that Asher is an introvert, but everyone loves to feel special and loved on their birthday, right? So it was funny to see how he handled all the extra attention on Tuesday. He stood in front of his kindergarten class and grinned while they sang to him, but he wouldn't look any of them in the eye. When his taekwondo teacher (who didn't know it was his birthday) coincidentally asked him that afternoon how old he was, he answered "Six" without giving her any clues. And when Tyson was telling random strangers in Target that today was his brother's birthday, Asher did his best to act like he didn't know that kid.

But we love Asher like crazy, and were happy to give him all kinds of special attention. He requested waffles for his birthday dinner. (He requested at least 6 other meals before that, but a couple of days before I finally told him that he couldn't change his mind any more, since I'd bought the buttermilk, fruit, and whipped cream.) After eating cupcakes, opening gifts, and playing games, the birthday boy had had enough. In what was probably a first for any of our kids, he cuddled up on Dad's lap and told Scot that he was tired and ready to go to bed.

Some things I want to remember about 5-year-old Asher:

He's such a sweetheart. If a sibling is having a bad day Asher will give them a toy or book of his to put a smile on their face. If someone isn't feeling well, he's so thoughtful and attentive to their needs. He loves his grandparents and gets especially attached to his Grandmas when they're around. And he's still the best cuddler of my three.

He is a smartie. His Primary teachers last year would often tell me that if no one in the class was answering a question, they'd turn to Asher. He would rarely volunteer it, but they could count on him always knowing the right answer, if they asked. He's so far ahead of the rest of his kindergarten class in reading that he meets a few times a week with the school's reading specialist and a group of first-and second-graders. He's in the highest math group in class, and instead of memorizing sight words with the rest of the class, his teacher gives him a list of 15-20 "challenge words" to spell each month.

He's never been much of an animal person, but he immediately bonded with the tortoise that joined our family in November. Asher calls him "Little Guy" and hurries back to say hello to him as soon as he gets home from school.

He likes building things and following a plan. Give him any sort of building toy (Legos and Zoobs are current favorites) and an instruction guide, and he's content to play alone for hours.

He and Tyson have all kinds of goofy fun together. When they're getting along there is plenty of giggling, silliness, and mischief. And Asher adores his big sister. The two are great at hatching plots, making plans, and solving mysteries together.

And Asher gives me the most enthusiastic running tackle-hugs every day when I pick him up from school.

They Said...

I was recently in the car with just Asher and Tyson. It was quiet when Tyson suddenly announced, "My p***s fwyin' awound in my pants."

I tried not to react as I asked for clarification. "What is your p***s doing?"

Again, "It fwying awound in my pants."

I was baffled, but Asher jumped right in to rescue both of us. "That happens to me sometimes. I just reach in my pants and pull it back into my underwear."

Oh, that's what Tyson was talking about! That, my friends, is what big brothers are for.

As the only adult present, I thought I'd better give some further advice on the topic. "You should go into a bathroom first, and then pull your p***s back into your pants. Then pull your underwear up. It was probably just too saggy."

That's when Asher asked, "Mom, what does 'saggy' mean?"

Seriously? You knew exactly what Tyson was talking about with his crazy description, but you don't know the word 'saggy'?

Devoted Sister

While looking for a missing library book this morning, I rescued this note from under the couch.

Again, for those of you who are out of practice reading kindergarten handwriting/spelling:

"from Riley To Asher

You are awesome & smart

& a genius & good & a perfect brother

& I love you."

Say it with me now. Awwww!

Little Sister

Do all big sisters dress their little brothers up in girl clothes at least once? I did! 

And now Riley has also taken part in this fine tradition.

Poor boys.

Prankster

We are learning that Tyson definitely has a teasing sense of humor. A recent example had me laughing pretty hard. I take the approach that having siblings to play with is a privilege.  If they can't play nicely, that privilege is taken away. So one morning when Asher and Tyson were not getting along, I sent Tyson up to their room to play with Hot Wheels, and Asher down to play in the basement. Later, when it was time for his nap, I asked Tyson to put all the cars in their box and get into bed. When I came in a few minutes later to read to him, Tyson was in bed and there were no cars on the floor. I noticed that there didn't seem to be as many cars in the box as usual, but didn't worry about it.

After our bedtime routine that night, Tyson was in bed and Asher climbed into his. He laid his head down and then yelled, "There's something in my pillow!" I reached in the pillowcase and found 8 or 10 Hot Wheels in a little mound. I immediately remembered the half-empty box, so I turned to Tyson and asked, "How did these cars get in here?" He reacted by pulling his blanket over his face and giggling. I started laughing then, but poor Asher sat there looking confused, and rubbing the side of his head.

We suspect Asher is in for years of being pranked by his little brother.

Brothers

At the moment, Asher is probably more fond of the new shirt
than the new brother.

When we were preparing to bring Tyson home we really didn't know what to expect upon his arrival in our family. I felt like there were a lot of things I could worry about, but not much I could do to prepare for any of them. Aside from Tyson himself, I worried most about how Asher would handle the transition from being the youngest in the family, and the only little brother.

One night while we were visiting Scot's family, I was talking to his Mom about some of my concerns about the upcoming change, and the approach that Scot and I thought would work best for our family. I hadn't even mentioned Asher specifically when she shared a thought with me that I turned into a really useful piece of advice. She told me that she thought Asher would be our "ace in the hole." (Those are probably my words, not hers.) She predicted that Tyson would look to Asher more than anyone else to see how he was handling any given situation, and then would model Asher's behavior. It made perfect sense to me! Of course. Why hadn't I thought of it myself?

Let me backtrack for a second. Riley was nearly 22 months old when Asher joined our family. We told her repeatedly in the weeks leading up to Asher's birth, and still after he was born, that her most important job in our family was to make Asher happy. Her job hasn't changed, and when the two of them are having conflicts, we remind Riley of her most important job. Fortunately, she is very good at this job. Riley is a very nurturing person, and nearly every time Asher wants something that she is playing with, she'll hand it over to him without a fuss, and go find something else to play with.

So I immediately thought of "Riley's job" when my mother-in-law made that comment about Asher being the key to Tyson's transition. I knew that not only was she likely right about that, but that being given some responsibility for Tyson's transition would help Asher adjust to the new family dynamic as well. That very night, as we were tucking them into their beds, I asked Riley to explain to Asher what her job was, and why it is important to our family. Scot and I then explained to Asher that his job in our family would be to keep Tyson happy, as soon as he came home. We continued to remind him and talk to him about his job over the few days.

Asher is 16 months older, about 3 inches taller, and 5 pounds heavier
than Tyson.

Over the last two weeks, I've seen just how smart or inspired (or both) my mother-in-law was. Tyson watches and mimics both Riley and Asher, but is clearly more interested in what Asher is doing, and follows him around a lot more than Riley. As we have been dealing with Tyson's resistance to any affection or comfort from me, I've often thought that Asher's sweet, cuddly nature has got to be a good example for Tyson. When he sees Asher sitting on my lap, or offer me a hug and a kiss for no particular reason, it can only help him learn that he can trust me.

Even with a responsibility, this transition has not been an easy one for Asher. Riley's generosity seems to be to Asher's detriment in this situation. He has almost never had to fight for anything. He's always gotten his way. So to have this new kid come into his home, snatch away his toys, hit him, and sometimes even try to bite him, has really thrown Asher. He's a sweet kid, and there is just no chance he's going to fight back (at least not yet). So he just reports these unfair incidents to me or Scot like he's been personally offended. (Fortunately Asher has only been hurt once in all the times Tyson has swung at him or tried to bite.)

We are intensely trying to curb Tyson's aggression, and at the same time, teach Asher and Riley what they can do differently to avoid setting him off. It's a learning process for all of us. But thankfully Tyson's moments of ferocity have become less common. I suspect that it was, in part, a reaction to being thrown into such an unfamiliar situation. And I'm confident that as they both get a little older, and they become accustomed to one another, these two brothers will also become great friends.